Gilbert Arenas Gets Squashed in Halfway House

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Washington Wizard Gilbert Arenas has his plate full during his 30-day stint at a Maryland halfway house -- and let's just say he won't be hurting for a well-balanced meal.

TMZ obtained the dinner menus for the Montgomery County Pre-Release and Reentry Center in Maryland where Arenas' fine dining options include: scalloped chicken, chicken parmesan, spinach lasagna, steamed carrots, squash, and ... vanilla ice cream.

Arenas' sentence for his gun-slinging locker room standoff with a teammate began on Friday.

Ben Roethlisberger: 'I'm Truly Sorry'

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With his head down and a monotone delivery, Ben Roethlisberger finally gave a statement about the sexual assault investigation in Georgia, saying he's "happy to move forward."

Reading off a note card, Ben walked up to a podium in the Steelers' locker room and told a small group of reporters, "I'd like to begin by expressing gratitude for the thorough investigation process in Georgia and the prosecutor's decision not bring charges."

He continued, "I know without a doubt that it was the right conclusion. I don't intend to discuss any details relating to the events in Georgia, and I'm happy to put this behind me and move forward."

Ben also stated, "I'm truly sorry for the disappointment and negative attention I've brought to my family, teammates, coaches, the Rooneys, and the NFL. I understand the opportunities I've been blessed with are a privilege and that much is expected of me as the QB of the Pittsburgh Steelers."

Roethlisberger concluded, "I absolutely want to be the leader this team deserves, valued in the community and a role model to kids. I have much work to do to earn this trust and I'm committed to improving and showing everyone my true values. I'm excited to get back to work w/my teammates and more determined than ever to have a great season."

Big Ben's Accuser: I Can't Handle the Media Blitz

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Ben Roethlisberger's accuser urged officials to drop the sexual assault case against the NFL star partly because of the "extraordinary" media attention -- but she's still standing by her story.

The lawyer for the alleged victim sent a letter to District Attorney Fred Bright on March 17, in which he states, "a criminal trial would be a very intrusive personal experience ... given the extraordinary media attention that would be inevitable."

The letter continues, "This decision does not reflect any recanting of our client's complaint, but simply a realistic, personal decision as to what is in her best interests."

Earlier today, the D.A. announced that no criminal charges would be filed against Roethlisberger.

Ben Roethlisberger -- No Charges

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Ben Roethlisberger will not be charged for sexual assault over an alleged incident on March 5 in Milledgeville, Georgia.

According to prosecutor Fred Bright -- the alleged victim wrote a letter on March 17, in which she stated that she no longer wanted to pursue the case.

During his investigation, Bright claims "everyone" agreed that both Ben and his accuser were highly intoxicated on March 5 when they went into the bathroom at Capital City nightclub.

Bright said there are still "significant questions about what occurred" in the bathroom ... but Ben will not be prosecuted.

Bright said after the alleged incident, the woman went to a local hospital where a doctor and two nurses examined her and found "a superficial laceration," bruising and bleeding in the genital area.

Bright said the woman told doctors "a boy kinda raped me" -- but Bright said the doctor could not definitively say if the woman's injuries were the result of a sexual assault.

Bright said Ben initially claimed that the woman fell and hit her head in the bathroom -- but after she arrived at the hospital, doctors found no trauma to the woman's head. After that, Bright says Ben's agent stepped in and said the quarterback wouldn't answer questions with an attorney present.

NY Jets QB Drafts Six Tight Ends ... In One Night

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New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez threw a pick 6 this weekend -- picking 6 chicks to cram in the back of his ride on the way out of a "Saturday Night Live" after-party.

Though Sanchez was only rolling in a Lexus sedan, he managed to squeeze all six ladies into the back ... where he also had a seat.

Looking like a helluva week for the Jets, huh?!

Santonio Holmes Hit With 4 Game Suspension

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Former Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes just received a 4 game suspension from the NFL -- but it wasn't for that alleged glass-shattering incident at an Orlando nightclub.

Literally hours after he was traded from the Pittsburgh Steelers to the NY Jets -- it was confirmed that Holmes will be forced to sit out 4 games during the 2010 season for violating the league's substance abuse policy.

According to ProFootballTalk.com -- which broke the story -- it's unclear if Holmes tested positive for a banned substance or merely missed a drug test.

As far as that glass-throwing incident is concerned -- that case is currently in the hands of the State Attorney's Office.

Tiger Woods Plane Footage -- Banned by ESPN

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Hope you enjoyed the footage of those Tiger Woods airplane banners -- 'cause you'll never see them again on ESPN.

TMZ has learned the Worldwide Leader in Sports has instructed staff members that they're banned from running the footage on their networks and their website -- despite the fact that ESPN already aired it earlier this week.

Sounds like Tiger's still in bed with someone besides Elin ...

Tiger Woods -- Banner Free Saturday

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Tiger Woods has a lot on his mind today at the Masters -- but one thing he won't have to worry about is another embarrassing banner flying over Augusta National.

The company that was hired to arrange for the banners to take flight tells TMZ they can't find a pilot who will do the job today because no one wants to cross the FAA. As the owner put it, "No other pilot will touch it with a ten foot pole ... They're afraid the FAA will take apart their plane piece by piece."

As we reported yesterday, the FAA grounded the plane that was supposed to carry banner #3 over a "mechanical issue" -- which turned out to be a seat belt tag.

The third banner was supposed to read "You knew, Stevie...You knew" -- a reference towards
Tiger's caddy Steve Williams. We're told the fourth (should it ever see the light of day) will read: "Tiger -- Still on for the foursome? -- Jesse James."

Whoever the mystery man behind the banners is, he sure is funny.

Barkley Rips Masters Head -- He's an 'Uncle Tom'

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Charles Barkley has resorted to racial insults in his attack on the guy who runs the Masters -- comparing Billy Payne to a slave-driving plantation owner after Payne ripped Tiger Woods over the scandal.

Barkley Rips Masters Head -- He's an 'Uncle Tom' :: 0409_charles_payne_audio_reg

Barkley -- who used to be pretty tight with Woods -- went on Fox Sports Radio yesterday and said, "You got this punk ass Billy Payne who goes on TV ... for him to get on there and act like he's all Uncle Tom, he's the master on the plantation, that piss me off."

Barkley added, "I wish somebody would just walk up to him and punch him in his face."

Earlier this week, Payne mentioned Tiger in his news conference saying, "Our hero did not live up to the expectations of the role model we saw for our children."

Historical Fun Fact!
-- White people generally aren't called "Uncle Tom" ... because "Uncle Tom" was black.

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Erin Andrews Gun Threat

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TMZ has obtained another email targeting "Dancing with the Stars" contestant Erin Andrews, and it's the clearest sign yet that the man who wrote it is a potential threat.

TMZ broke the story that a man in Newport News, Virginia has been sending sexual and violent emails to ESPN's Andrews since September. The emails -- all sent to DirecTV's "The Dan Patrick Show" -- turned violent and threatening in late March.

On March 29, the man wrote, "I would like to see if Erin Andrews can dance her way through a hail of gunfire. Better yet I would love to shoot her with a Barrett rifle. Get the pun -- her stalker was mr. Barrett and the barrett rifle is an ultra expensive 50 cl. rifle with a range over a mile."

In spite of this email and others, law enforcement sources tell us the FBI is resistant to making an arrest, because authorities believe the author is engaging in free speech ... which is protected.

By the way, sources familiar with the author tell us he's 6'9" and very bulky.

Tiger Aerial Assault Plane -- Grounded By FAA

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Don't strain your neck looking up for that third Tiger Woods taunting banner to fly over Augusta -- TMZ has learned the plane has been grounded by the FAA after an unexpected last minute inspection.

We're told the FAA performed a "ramp check" on the plane last night in response to a request from an FAA air traffic controller. An FAA spokesperson tells us the investigator found "a number of mechanical issues" and sent the plane back to the airport where it is based.

The owner of the plane tells TMZ the mechanical issue was over a worn-out tag on the seat belts.

All hope for the third banner is not lost -- the owner says he is currently searching for another plane so he can carry out his assignment.

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Santonio Holmes -- Assault Case Moves Forward

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The initial investigation into the alleged Santonio Holmes nightclub attack has been turned over to the State's Attorney's Office, an Orlando PD spokesperson tells TMZ.

Holmes -- a former Super Bowl MVP -- is accused of throwing a glass at a woman in an Orlando nightclub on March 7. The woman claims the glass caused a laceration on her face.

Yesterday, Holmes' attorney said he had evidence that would exonerate Holmes and turned it over to the Orlando PD.

UPDATE -- Holmes' lawyer says he has a sworn from a guy who claims he was the glass thrower, not Holmes.

More Santonio Holmes

Big Ben -- Decision Coming in Sex Assault Case

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Ben Roethlisberger will finally learn if he will be criminally charged for allegedly sexually assaulting a 20-year-old woman -- the Ocmulgee District Attorney will make the formal announcement on Monday.

D.A. Fred Bright claims the "investigation, interviews and report" in the Roethlisberger case have been completed and reviewed -- and they will announce their "decision in this case" at a press conference on Monday.

As TMZ first reported, the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback is accused of sexually assaulting the woman in a nightclub bathroom in Georgia.

It's unclear which way the D.A. is leaning -- but in the past, Roethlisberger usually emerges victorious on Mondays.

Will The Real Tim Duncan Please Tweet?

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Tim Duncan claims he was booted from his Twitter account ... because he's not the 6'11" NBA star by the same name.

The white Tim tells us he got

Tuesday informing him they were shutting down his account because they believed he was trying to "impersonate" the Black, much taller Tim Duncan.

For some reason Twitter had a change of heart yesterday and his account was re-activated.

We reached out to Twitter and we're still waiting for an explanation ... in 140 characters or less, of course.

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Another Tiger Woods Sky Prank -- En Route

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UPDATE: The eagle has landed!!!

The mystery prankster -- who flew a plane banner reading "Tiger: Did you mean Bootyism?" over Tiger's tee-off at the Masters -- has another trick up his sleeve ... and it's gonna fly overhead any minute now.

TMZ has learned the anonymous gagster has ordered up another banner which reads: "SEX ADDICT? YA, RIGHT. SURE. ME TOO!"

If you're in Augusta right now, look up.

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Kenyon Martin's Locker Room Tirade -- On Tape

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TMZ has obtained the expletive-filled audio recording of NBA star Kenyon Martin going insanely ballistic on his Denver Nuggets teammates when an April Fools' prankster filled his Range Rover with buttered popcorn.

After seeing how the popcorn affected his white interior, Martin -- who's making roughly $16 million this year -- went back into the locker room and told his teammates, "I swear to God, boy ... when I find out who did it ... I'm gonna put my mother f*ckin' hands on one of y'all."

Martin continued, "I'm gonna put my hands on whoever did it ... you best believe dat ... it's f*ckin personal ... you best believe it."

After Martin calmed down, Kenyon learned the perp was the driver of teammate J.R. Smith. The driver later apologized for the prank ... but Martin reportedly won't accept the mea culpa.

To listen to the uncensored version,

click here

.

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